Saturday, May 14, 2011

terrified.


I'm scared for the future. It's the unknown. I can't be in control. What happens, happens. Whatever life throws at you, you take it, learn from it, and deal with it. That is a scary thing. There are so many things I wish I could take control of and fix myself. In my life, in other people's lives. But, this is not the case. At this point it's time for me to let go. God's got to take over. Every time I give it up to Him, it works out just the way He wants it to...which in the end is exactly what is right for me in my life. I'm scared for things that will affect the rest of my life. Like should I really be trying to be a physical therapist? Or am I supposed to go to Brasil again? I'm scared that we're secretly going bankrupt because my mom is supporting me and her by herself, and there's thousands upon thousands of dollars to go to college. I'm scared of who's going to walk me down the aisle, because at the moment it would not be my dad. Heck, I'm scared I'm not even going to get married. I'm terrified my grandpa's going to die before I get to see him and tell him how much I love him. I'm scared about this reckless driving ticket, and that we're going to spend all this money on a lawyer, and still end up with a reckless driving ticket. All of these things have unknown factors. I don't know how it's going to end up, and I can't try to determine or fix it. This is when it's time to take a deep breathe, and give it to God. Lean on Him no matter what. He has shown me that he has blessed me with so much, how can I worry about the future? And I've been blessed with the best friends that are with me every step of the way, holding me up. He will continue to provide for me. Trust. That is one of the hardest things to do, but I know if I do everything will work out just the way it is supposed to.

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