scared.

Okay, I'm not going to lie. I'm scared of going to college. Don't get me wrong, I'm super stoked about all the new beginnings and everything...but I'm also afraid of all the new things. I'm afraid of the things I'm going to have to deal with. What if I don't make good friends? What if I don't like Lynchburg College? What if my friends back home forget about me? And what if I don't get along with my roommate? And all these other things that cross my mind. Sometimes I tend to panic and think about all the bad things that could happen. I never think about all the good things that could happen. I automatically think of all the things that could go wrong. I need to stop worrying. One of my good friends that I don't get to see as often as I should told me recently that he realized I'm a worrier and he doesn't like to see me worry. I can't help it though! I worry about my friends and stuff they do. If they're safe, if they're driving when they shouldn't be, etc. I just don't want anything taken away from me that I love. I also worry about the future and the unknown...aka COLLEGE right now. I just need to think about the good things in life that could happen...then maybe I wouldn't worry so much! Eeep!

prayer.

First before I blog about anything else, please keep my papa in your prayers. He had a heart attack on Friday and will be having surgery tomorrow. I forget what it's called but they will make an incision in his leg and go up into his heart from there to see how much damage there is. Hopefully there is not a lot. If that is the case, the cardiologist will put a trigger in there to take away the clotting. If there is a lot of clotting, they will have do to another surgery this week. That will be open heart surgery. This is a pretty scary thing. He is also terrified. Tomorrow the surgery he is having isn't nearly as risky and is pretty common, but he is so scared like he's going to die. I can't let my mind wander to think the worst because then I will stay up all night worrying about everything. I just have to trust in God that everything will be okay, which is very difficult for me to do now days because of the things that have happened in my life recently. But, I just have to have faith. Just pray for him cause I know this is hard for him. Also, please just pray that everything will go well and he won't have to have open heart surgery. Thanks!

no.

I'm not ready to leave yet. I don't want to leave my friends. I love them too much.

content.

So, the other night after the good ole El Chaps, I had some good conversation with some of my good friends. One thing that got me thinking though was when Elsbeth asked me who I liked...or something of that sort. And it made me think about it. I don't like anyone at the moment (and in all honesty haven't really since before choir tour) and I'm perfectly content with that. I'm content with not being in a relationship right now or liking someone. I leave for college in two weeks and it would suck to have to leave someone. I feel bad for my friends that are in relationships right now. That has to suck to leave their boyfriend or girlfriend. But, I also am happy for them because they have someone that genuinely cares about them. I'm happy just the way I am, riding solo, and I like being happy about that! I like having my really good guy friends in my life though...but I don't like any of them like that. Haha. Which brings up another thing I thought of...why is it that a guy and a girl can't be really good friends without people thinking that one of them likes the other or they both like each other? It's really quite obnoxious actually. I feel like I have a decent amount of really good guy friends, and I feel blessed to have them in my life. But whenever I started to become good friends with them, I know people have thought (because they told me) that I liked them or that we liked each other...and then they wouldn't believe me when I told them otherwise. Isn't it okay for a girl and guy to hang out by themselves without having feelings for each other? I mean...I realize this is high school and girls freak out over stuff like this, but in all honesty I'd rather hang out with guys than girls. Less drama. I don't do well with drama. Not a drama queen. Sorry, 99% of other girls out there! My close girl friends that I have usually don't have drama either. Love them for that! :) But really, why is it that people find it so hard to fathom that a guy and a girl can't be good friends without liking each other? Thoughts about that? I've always wondered why that is so. Haha. I don't know. It's 3am and my brain is running through lots of thoughts!

hug.

I love hugs. It's me telling someone I love them...not necessarily IN love with them, just that I love them. Because I love mostly everyone. :) I'm not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it does in my brain. Haha. I'm a hugger. Some people are high fivers, but I like hugs. Real hugs, not side hugs. Don't even bother trying to hug me if you're going to give me a side hug. So next time you see someone, give them a hug...it makes their day better. :)

maybe someday.

I hope I find someone someday that will treat me right and love me for me.

skinny.

When I see super skinny girls, I just want to buy them a cheeseburger and feed them...is that bad? Haha. It's all this pressure for girls to be skinny. It's what the world tells us. I think it's quite dumb. Girls feel like for them to be good enough they have to be skinny. All I have to say to that is NO. I like my food thank you very much, and I refuse to be a twig. Yes, I may want to be more in shape. But skinny, heck no! Girls also think that in order for guys to like them they have to be skinny...I haven't talked to one guy that thinks that skinny girls are more attractive than normal sized girls. Guys like healthy looking girls...if you catch my drift. Haha! Yes, I'm always probably going to want to be more fit than I am for my entire life, even if I do get more fit. I think everyone thinks that they can improve the way they look by their weight. But, never will I want to be skinny. So girls, don't feel so pressured by this idea that we have to be skinny! Yes, be healthy and take care of yourself, but eat yo heart out, you're only young once! :)

smile.

All you need to do in life is smile. If you smile it makes your day better, and other people's. :) Today was quite an adventurous day. I pretty much hung out all day and wrote some more letters and such. The storm today was quite amazing! The power is out everywhere in Richmond! I'm very grateful that my power is on! Tonight I went to a Jersey Shore party at Alex and Amber's house. There was yummy food made by Momma Mora...she seriously makes the best party food. I left from there early and headed out to J Roddy Walston and the Business' show. It was so much fun! They all did a fabulous job! It was just one of those shows where a ton of your friends are there and you just want to dance. Then a few of us headed out to Waffle House. Of course I got lost and ended up on Atlee Road. Goodness gracious. Somehow I got back safe and sound to Waffle House and ate the normal...chocolate chip waffle! We also had my favorite waiter there, Gary. Haha. He makes me laugh. I love late nights and hanging out with cool people. :)

oh my.

Today has been quite a good day. Pretty much chilled all day, which I need. I still haven't fully recovered from Brasil quite yet. I went shopping with Kim, which was a failure. Oh well. We ate at Panera, our favorite. Later on I rode in the back of Sketch's truck to Country Style Donuts, as tradition. I really did miss my friends while I was gone. I can't believe how soon college is and how much longer I'm going to have to be away from them. I leave in 21 days. Three weeks. It's insanity. I found out who my room mate is too. Hopefully we get along and everything turns out alright. Haha. I'm totally not ready for summer to end yet. I'm trying to live up these last three weeks I have left and spend every moment I can with my friends. It's crazy I won't see them every day, or at least twice a week like I usually do. I love my life right now. I've got the best friends in the world, we do crazy things together, and I'm just having fun with my life. You gotta let loose in life and be crazy and have fun. :)

brasil!

Wow. I got back from Brasil on Monday. This is going to either be a really long blog with lots of detail or a short and sweet one because there is so much stuff that happened in the past ten days. I still can't fathom how amazing Brasil is. :) It was definatley completely different from last year. We stayed in Roberto and Rachel's house, which is pretty legit. When we pulled up I was like are you kidding me? This house is amazing! I think my favorite was the bar outside. I sat out there and ate breakfast and any other meal I could out there every day. We also got to meet some pretty cool kids from that neighborhood. It all started out with a soccer game with just Americans, and then all of these Brazillian kids kept joining. We got to hang out and talk to them for a few days. They happened to love to hear me sing Kesha....don't ask me why. But they were all so sweet. We worked at the trade school all this week, which I absolutely love! I painted all day, every day. Well, besides hanging out with the kids there too. :) I met some pretty amazing kids there that came and took English class. I also got to hang out with my old buddies (Rafael, Mauro, and Wisley). I love them so much. I also don't know who taught them horse pets...but I'd like to thank you because on top of being tickled all week I also got horse petted 24/7. We went to the church on Sunday and then the next Saturday for church services. I got to see my besties (Lucas, Felipe, Luizinho, and Bruno.) But only for about twenty minutes. I am still terribly sad I didn't get to see them that much. Last year we hung out all the time and I talk to them all the time online and I was so excited to get to see them. I didn't get to see Gustavo at all which makes me super sad. But, I will be back to Brasil soon enough and I will hopefully see them all for a long time! We also went to the slums for two days to deliver food. Going there always hits me hard because it is just so sad to me. The poverty there is nothing like the poverty here. It's like the kind of stuff you see on TV on those commercials...you see it and all but it really does hit you when you realize it's really reality. I just wanted to help every single person in there. I also really love these trips because I become a lot closer with my friends, and they also make me start new friendships. :) We went to the orphanage our last day there, and only for about an hour. This made me really sad because I absolutely adore all those kids. But, I was grateful to at least be with them a little bit. Not a lot of them speak English, so there's always that language barrier. Somehow we make it work and there's always a lot of love. :) I know I missed a ton about this trip, but it would literally take pages and pages to write everything about this trip. Going to Brasil makes me truly grateful for everything I do have. I am so humbled by my experience there. I really do love Brasil, and I can't wait to go back.

going to brasil!

Peace out suckas!!! Be back the 26th. :)

life is good.

I feel like every day of summer gets better and better, and I like it like that! Last night was so much fun. Being caught in a downpour during the summer at Belle Isle with great friends is one of those things I'm always going to remember. I thought it was one of the funnest things ever. I love summer rain, and I really wanted to dance in it. I also found tonight to be very fun as well. I never knew how good eighteen 22 is. It's the first time in a long time I've enjoyed, and really gotten something out of something at church. I now plan on going back every week until I leave for college. I also got to talk to Stephanie for awhile, which I don't get to do very often, so it made me happy. Here is one thing that is mind boggling right now. I leave for Brasil in 2 days! 2 days! I'm am so excited beyond words. I seriously can't wait to see everyone, and to just be in Brasil! :)

summer.

This is what summer is supposed to be like. Not getting home and sneaking in until almost 4 AM. Then sleeping until 12 because of it. Being able to chill out all day. Hanging out with good friends. Eating fro-yo at sweet frog. Intense laser tag games. Ice skating! Just sitting in a parking lot and hanging out with people. I don't think it's necessarily what you do, it's who you do it with. I am very fortunate enough to have amazing friends that are so cool to be around. And then doing the awesome things that we did tonight just makes it that much better. This. Is. Summer. And I can't get enough of it. It's going by too fast and I just want it to last forever!

ahh. :)

I haven't blogged in such a long time! But, it's SUMMER! Today has already been a good day because I got to visit one of my good friends. I was so glad to see that he was alive and well, and be able to talk about all this random stuff. He's such a fighter! Now I sit here and wait for David's party! They're always fun! It is going to be extremely hot tonight I feel like though, because it's super hot outside! I also sit here and ponder life. Not often do I just get to sit here and listen to music and think about things. I think about how I shouldn't take my life for granted. One day it's here, the next day it could be gone. I shouldn't take my family or friends for granted either. I love them all SO much, and it's crazy to think what my life would be like without them. I love each and every one of them. I don't want to lose any of my friends when I leave for college, so I really hope we all stay in touch. I don't know. Sometimes when I allow my mind to wander, I think of the craziest things. Haha. But, just know that I love each and every one of you and I want you in my life forever and ever! I love being in a good mood. :) Everything is just making me happy today! Haha and friendship piggies! :)

:)

Wow. Yesterday was seriously the best day ever. My grandparents graduation present for me was a laptop! So yes, I am typing this on my new mac book! :) Then, my entire family went out to the Olive Garden for lunch, which was delicious! After that it was time for graduation! It was so unreal seeing my friends and classmates all in our caps and gowns. We kind of looked like we were in Hogwarts. Haha! But it was just insane to see all of us together, actually graduating! It was such a cool thing to walk across stage and receive what I've worked so hard for. We also threw our caps at end, which we were told over and over again not to do. Whatever! We're living up to our name, rebels. ;) We were all so stoked! Then it was the all night grad party, which I thought was going to be kind of lame. It was surprisingly so much fun. I had a blast! Inflatables, tattoos, fortune teller, every kind of food you could imagine, pictures, a casino, and a hypnotist (that was the coolest/funniest thing EVER). It was one of the coolest things I've been to. Once it ended, it was around 5 am. It was hosted at the YMCA, so it was really funny to see people coming in for the morning workout and we still hadn't gone to sleep yet! Then, we decided to go to Waffle House for some early morning breakfast! That was hysterical, and so much fun. It was also the last time I'll probably ever see a lot of these people again, and it was a great last memory. By the time I got home, it was 6:30 am. I went to sleep at 7am, and that was so weird because the sun was out. That day will always be imprinted in my mind. It was such a fun day, and I am truly blessed to have such incredible people to share it with.

side hugs.

Side hugs make me laugh really hard. I really dislike them too. Haha. The reason people give side hugs is for a few reasons. A.) They don't really want to hug you. B.) It's the "safe" hug. C.) They're a really awkward person. And the list could go on. I would rather someone give me a high five then a side hug. Side hugs are just awkward. So, if you plan on hugging me, actually hug me. I love hugs, so do it right. :) Tonight was really fun. I love all my really good friends. They make me so happy. I also realized tonight I am decent at badminton, and it's actually really fun! I'm also really stoked on this summer! There's three things I think I'm most excited for, and make me super busy. June 19-24: Beach Week! Woot! June 25-July 2: Choir Tour! Yay! July 16-26: BRASIL!!! Eep! SO stoked for that! It's a busy schedule, but it's all really, really fun stuff! I can't wait!

happy.

So, I'm pretty happy right now. Sorry about the last post, I tried to delete it but it still shows up on the feed or whatever. Haha. Sometimes it's just hard for me to deal with stuff alone is all. But right now I'm really happy because I realized I'm going to be in Brasil in about a month! SO STOKED! :) I can't wait to see everyone there. :) I love them to pieces and I'm the happiest when I'm in Brasil. Psyched! :)

loved.

I feel loved right now. It's weird. It's not often I truly feel loved. A lot of times I feel like I'm really the only one doing the loving. Haha. But thank you everyone who truly loves me for me, because I love you. Also, I'd love to have more weekends like this one this summer. :)

lots of lasts.

So, today was the last official day of high school! It really hasn't hit me yet that I will never, ever go back to Douglas Freeman Southall High School as a student anymore. I feel like next year I will be going back. That, however, is not the case. I will be off at Lynchburg College, hopefully enjoying myself! My last day of work was also last Saturday. Once again, I feel as if next week I'm going to go back to work. It was the last lunch I will every eat at Freeman, the last drive there, the last drive home, the last time I will see a majority of those people (besides at graduation), and everything else this year that have been my lasts of. It's really sad when I think about it because it's stuff I'm used to, and stuff I love. But, at the same time, with all of these lasts means that there will be a ton of new beginnings. I am beyond stoked for that. Yes, I am definatley scared, but I am also very excited! Kicking off my first day of summer, I attended Kristina's party, and then David's party. Kristina's party had quite yummy food. And David's party was just so much freaking fun. He seriously throws the best parties. I love dancing, playing pong, hanging out with amazing people. I am so excited for summer and more parties and new beginnings. :)

love my life.

I really love my life right now. Everything is going well. Despite having tests and stuff even though there's only three days of school left...wait. There's 3 days of school left! Forever! Then I'm in college! High school has flown by. I can't say I've loved every minute of it, but I've like the majority of it. I've been with some of my best friends throughout this entire journey, and made some more best friends throughout the way. Even though some of my friends have changed, even for the worst, I still love them all. But yes, life is good. I've got to go to five parties this weekend...if that doesn't sound like fun I don't know what does! Unless of course, you don't like to party. haha. I just want to spread my love on to everyone in the world. Everyone needs to feel loved. If you don't hear anything else from this blogpost, hear this: I LOVE YOU. You may not think that I love you or you may not thing I even know you. But, I love you. YOU are loved. You are loved by me and probably a lot of people you wouldn't even think. So, I love you friend. :)